She'd never felt so completely lost in her life. At least not like this, with the queasy feeling of restlessness in her gut. Blue had hoped the feeling would clear as the days ticked away from prom and her birthday, but they hadn't. The more she let her thoughts linger on it the more she got confused and just didn't know what to do at all.
Blue laid on her bed, staring up at her ceiling. The words I love you Bluebell still rang in her ears. He loved her. Green had been right, it had been terribly unfair. He had however long to come to terms with whatever he was feeling and the other trainer didn't even know where to start arranging her feelings about it. She could take her time, he said, but it didn't feel that way at all. It felt like each moment she didn't have an answer a divide that had appeared just got wider and wider.
She cared about the boy deeply, but she hadn't pictured something like actually going out with him like that in more than fleeting moments. It had never felt weird being very close to him. She'd never felt shy sitting against him or holding his hand or laying beside him on the grass. Now sometimes when she closed her eyes she could still feel his lips against hers and she had no idea what the feeling she felt was. She suddenly had no idea what he must have been feeling all those times she had just been with him comfortably. Blue crossed her arms over her face, trying to quiet the thunderous roar of her thoughts.
The flash of light outside her window was not the most welcome of distractions. Blue froze, her breath hitching as she counted the seconds. The rumble of thunder did not wait long to follow.
Thunderstorms had never been the biggest problem when she was a kid. They had always made her a little nervous, but when she was safely tucked in her house there was nothing to really worry about. It was once she was on the road and her closest traveling companion was highly susceptible to dying in them that they really started to bother her. She'd always wished she could have held someone to hold on to until the rumblings were over, but she was too afraid of anyone getting hurt. Sienna's fire was at risk. Acacia disliked it almost as much. Aralia's timid nature kept her away from the winds. By the time she had gotten Indigo, keeping them away way too much of a habit to break. They'd all stay in their pokeballs where she could keep them safe.
When it all got too much she would call or text one of the boys, huddled under an overpass and staring worriedly at her tiny phone screen, hoping one of them would reply. It was silly, she realized. She never blatantly said why she called so much. Never said how much she hoped one of them would pick up. Never said how relieved she was when they did. And when they did, it was usually Green. As troubled as she might have seemed at the beginning she was always fine by the time they were done. She'd never really mentioned how grateful she was for that either. Or how much she missed him later on when he stopped picking up as often.
Her phone was in her hands before she realized it when the next clap of thunder shook closer than before. Blue stared at the lit up screen, taking a deep breath. No, this wasn't something she could do. She couldn't bother him now, not with all this going on. That was unreasonably selfish and pigheaded of her. The last thing she needed to be doing was sending weird mixed signals by calling in the middle of the night. The rain fell heavy against the window and Blue moved to grab her pillow, clutching it against her and curling up around it. She could see Jock or Blake, she tried to rationalize, but she didn't want to bother them either. She didn't want to give them another reason to fret over her. She'd just have to deal with it and learn to get over her fears.
Afraid of the rain afraid of the sound afraid of losing him afraid of not knowing anything anymore.
The whirling emotions caught in her chest and she could physically feel the panic gripping her.
She didn't think about it. She hit the call button on his name.
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momijizukamori
We can decide the exact time later but AFTER PROM on a NIGHT.
Date: 2013-06-21 04:25 am (UTC)Blue laid on her bed, staring up at her ceiling. The words I love you Bluebell still rang in her ears. He loved her. Green had been right, it had been terribly unfair. He had however long to come to terms with whatever he was feeling and the other trainer didn't even know where to start arranging her feelings about it. She could take her time, he said, but it didn't feel that way at all. It felt like each moment she didn't have an answer a divide that had appeared just got wider and wider.
She cared about the boy deeply, but she hadn't pictured something like actually going out with him like that in more than fleeting moments. It had never felt weird being very close to him. She'd never felt shy sitting against him or holding his hand or laying beside him on the grass. Now sometimes when she closed her eyes she could still feel his lips against hers and she had no idea what the feeling she felt was. She suddenly had no idea what he must have been feeling all those times she had just been with him comfortably. Blue crossed her arms over her face, trying to quiet the thunderous roar of her thoughts.
The flash of light outside her window was not the most welcome of distractions. Blue froze, her breath hitching as she counted the seconds. The rumble of thunder did not wait long to follow.
Thunderstorms had never been the biggest problem when she was a kid. They had always made her a little nervous, but when she was safely tucked in her house there was nothing to really worry about. It was once she was on the road and her closest traveling companion was highly susceptible to dying in them that they really started to bother her. She'd always wished she could have held someone to hold on to until the rumblings were over, but she was too afraid of anyone getting hurt. Sienna's fire was at risk. Acacia disliked it almost as much. Aralia's timid nature kept her away from the winds. By the time she had gotten Indigo, keeping them away way too much of a habit to break. They'd all stay in their pokeballs where she could keep them safe.
When it all got too much she would call or text one of the boys, huddled under an overpass and staring worriedly at her tiny phone screen, hoping one of them would reply. It was silly, she realized. She never blatantly said why she called so much. Never said how much she hoped one of them would pick up. Never said how relieved she was when they did. And when they did, it was usually Green. As troubled as she might have seemed at the beginning she was always fine by the time they were done. She'd never really mentioned how grateful she was for that either. Or how much she missed him later on when he stopped picking up as often.
Her phone was in her hands before she realized it when the next clap of thunder shook closer than before. Blue stared at the lit up screen, taking a deep breath. No, this wasn't something she could do. She couldn't bother him now, not with all this going on. That was unreasonably selfish and pigheaded of her. The last thing she needed to be doing was sending weird mixed signals by calling in the middle of the night. The rain fell heavy against the window and Blue moved to grab her pillow, clutching it against her and curling up around it. She could see Jock or Blake, she tried to rationalize, but she didn't want to bother them either. She didn't want to give them another reason to fret over her. She'd just have to deal with it and learn to get over her fears.
Afraid of the rain afraid of the sound afraid of losing him afraid of not knowing anything anymore.
The whirling emotions caught in her chest and she could physically feel the panic gripping her.
She didn't think about it. She hit the call button on his name.